I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize