So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Less talking, more tequila
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
