i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
