Your tits are I can't wait for
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
