Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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