Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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