My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
