just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
