yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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