Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
