His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
