I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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