I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
