She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize