she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
