His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
