They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
