Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize