i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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