If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize