you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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