I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
