can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
