I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
