one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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