I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
