I wish I could teleport
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
