I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
