Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
