LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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