I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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