You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
