He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
