I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
