took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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