My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
