Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
