so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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