Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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