He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
