GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my liver is dry heaving
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize