dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fuck appropriateness.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
