Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
