Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
