if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
