Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
