Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
