i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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