girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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