im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
