My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
