I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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