I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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