I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
