Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
