so let's talk penis.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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