Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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