glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
