I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
