I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize