so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
