Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
