I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my being single is dangerous.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
