I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
