Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
