Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
