Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
