the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
