Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
