god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
