It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
