She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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